It has been a long time since I even felt like sitting down and typing about life but here I am, 3 months since my last blog.
2021, as per usual and expected, hasn't been great for the Brodley's so far.
We started the year with Terri having a TIA (or Mini Stroke). One of the worst nights of my life. Wondering what was happening, if she was going to be ok and worrying about how my Mam and Dad were dealing with it. Thinking about Lee as he doesn't live at home anymore. Thinking about how to tell people what had happened. I have always "appeared strong", holding it together for everyone else, but as soon as I was on my own the cracks began to show. I was a mess.
Once she was home, we just hoped that was it. That is was over, she was home and ok.
That's never the case.
Over the past couple of days, Terri has completely lost her sight. She needs to be guided everywhere and can't even seem to see light. We don't know what's going on. She's extra clingy (not that I'm complaining, I'll take a cuddle any time) and can't do anything that she used to enjoy.
I know this is what is expected. I know it's inevitable. Just, how do you get on with life knowing what is coming?
I have been told previously to 'compartmentalise', put it in a box essentially, whilst dealing with other things and think about it later. But how? How do you switch off the worries? How do you focus on something else when you go home and your heart breaks every time you see her struggle?
There is just no way. Sometimes I feel fine and forget for a moment, others, I can think of nothing but her.
How do you plan and get excited for your own future when you don't know how long your best friend is going to be here for?
I will just have to find a way.
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