I have been slacking on the blog front lately; a mix of being busy and unable to bring myself to sit down and actually think. One positive of not writing in a while though is that I have a few ideas for blogs, when I give myself the chance to write them.
In the past month, as a family, we have attended the Amy and Friends Annual Conference (there will be a blog on this) but all I will say on it in this blog...
We all came back knackered. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. DRAINED
It is a weird feeling, being surrounded by people in the same shit situation as yourself, as much as it is amazing, it really makes you remember why you're actually there. It took myself and the rest of the family over a week to recover just over the mental side, but as we have slowly got back to normal, Terri has continued to struggle.
Terri hasn't been herself for quite sometime now. Her health has began to deteriorate over the past couple of years, with this last year probably being the worst. I would go as far to say she has slept more of this year than she has been awake. Her little body struggles to keep up nowadays and if she has the energy to do something like going shopping, you can guarantee she will sleep for a week afterwards.
I often think that I deal really well with the mental side of my best friends life expectancy, but then when she starts to deteriorate even more, my life just stops. I can't think about anything else. I can't focus on anything but her.
The past two weeks I have been on the verge of tears 24/7. I feel like all I want to do is cry, but I can't, I've tried.
The whole family has just been taking turns cuddling and kissing her while she sleeps, with mam feeding her through her tube and making sure she is comfortable - but we are all helpless. There isn't anything we can do to help - other than hope that the amount of sleep she is having will begin to help her.
People keep asking how she is and I just give a blunt answer, I can't bring myself to property talk about her, I just want to be with her; cuddling her, stroking her face and blowing raspberries on her tummy to get an odd smile out of her.
So, to those who I am neglecting,
I am sorry - but at the minute,
I can't even think about myself,
never mind anyone else.
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