You have probably never read anything cliche as the title above, but it is the only way that I can describe this week.
I had some bits going on in my personal life, which I wont get into, along with some ridiculous migraines that caused be to be off work. I found myself constantly clenching my teeth and unable to bring myself to get up, never mind leave the house. I could pretend to blame the migraines on a multitude of things but it's just stress. Some days I get up and feel perfect but the majority I just want to stay in bed and speak to no one. The joys of mental health.
The only difference is, when I am having a bad time, to Terri, it doesn't matter. If she needs us we still have to be there.
I genuinely thought my week couldn't get any worse and then she got poorly. For two days she slept. For the few minutes of the days that she was awake she wouldn't life her head from her pillow because her eye was too painful.
For those who don't know, Terri is now near enough blind, she has a detached retina in her left eye that was unable to be fixed. The pain has been managed with eye drops since they realised, with the hope that the eye could remain and not cause too much irritation.
With the eye no longer in use, it has shrank, became misshaped and clouded over - the only way I could describe the eye was like a White Walkers from Game of Thrones.
The beginning of the week was like no other, cleaning the eye and fighting with her to put the eye drops in. But when sleeping beauty woke up on Thursday her eye was completely closed and she couldn't open it. We monitored her throughout the day - I couldn't look after myself but I put everything in to checking on her.
Friday morning Mum phoned the doctors and got her in for 3:40pm, we took her in her pyjamas, only just managing to wake her up to get her in her wheelchair before the taxi came. She snuggled her pillow while me and Mum just kept looking at each other.
Terri had a bug growing in her eye.
Pseudomonas.
A bug to many that doesn't cause much fear. But for those with weakened immune systems (a.k.a. Terri) it could be fatal. Leading to sepsis and in some cases death. In one word I shit myself. I was worried about Mum, Terri - I phoned Dad and Lee's work to let them know.
I shook a lot, I sweated, I ached all over. My head was empty and full at exactly the same time. Terri looked ill, her eyes shrunken and filled with blood and Mum looked terrified.
We were sent to the hospital where she was given drops to put in every hour along with a follow up appointment on Monday. Her eye has since cleared up, well it looks like it has, and fingers crossed the follow up appointment will show that all is ok. Once the infection is cleared the discussion of removing her eye will come back up, is it unfair for her to keep the eye if it is causing her so much pain? or, is it unfair to expect her to go through the trauma of having the eye removed?
How do you even decide. Terri has always brought me a better perspective on life, but this week, she really tested it.
I am not feeling myself, avoiding talking to people i'd usually respond to straight away, not eating properly or looking after myself. This week felt like the beginning of the end, but we got through it and that's enough for me.
But honestly, who actually has their lives together, really?
- Jody Patricia
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