This is a tricky one. I feel like I am stepping out of what I am allowed to talk about in a sense. I haven’t experienced the loss of losing a sibling yet, but I am preparing myself for it.
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It’s funny really how grief seems to be judged on what your relationship with the person was. How the world believes losing a child is worse than anything else. You never hear anything for those who have lost a sibling.
It is like, siblings, aren’t allowed to grieve as much as parents. I looked up online and found the web inundated with articles for parents who have lost a child. By no means am I saying losing a child isn’t heart breaking, but when you’re in a world that is constantly reminding you to look after your parents when the day comes, what support system does the world have in place for you?
I have forever been told that I am strong, that I need to be strong for my Mam, Dad and the rest of my family. I don’t feel strong. I feel like I am holding my world on my shoulders.
When I imagine the day in my head, I don’t see my reaction I see what I can do or will be doing for everyone else. But what if I’m not able to be there for everyone else like I have been? What if the thing that is keeping me going is all the little things I do for Terri?
The majority of my spare time is Terri time. My hobbies – such as taking photos, posting online and writing – all surround her. What will happen when she isn’t here, when all this stops?
Just like a parent – when I am sad, I scoop her up and snuggle her till she wont let me anymore, I find myself checking her cot on a night just to look at her and make sure she is ok, I constantly ask if she is ok and if she cries, chokes, falls my heart drops and run to help her. Whenever she has a doctor’s appointment, I have to know how it went. So, why does the world think that me losing her won’t be as hard? Why do they think that I am going to be able to look after everyone else?
I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a child (although at this moment in time I can’t imagine how hard it is to lose a sibling either), but I understand peoples inability to think of anything worse than having to bury your own baby. It just doesn’t make sense – children should outlive their parents.
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“Raise your hand if you’re the sibling who feels like it’s your job to take care of and support the rest of the family. After a death, some siblings might quickly step in to take care of their younger children and/or their parents because they feel it’s their role or duty. Sometimes this happens out of necessity, sometimes avoidance, sometimes expectation, and sometimes all of the above. It is important for all members of the family to recognize that no one’s grief should take complete precedence. Although family members might take turns supporting one another, at one point or another everyone’s grief deserves attention and needs to be attended to.”
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When the time comes – my entire family will grieve, some harder than others, some longer than others and some more obvious than others. This does not however make ANY of it easier or less important.
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