I haven’t blogged in a while; on one hand because I couldn’t think of anything to say and another because I had lost my focus - was in too much of a daydream with life to even sit down and write (a.k.a I've been napping too much).
In a couple of weeks I am 24. And I am no further forward in life than what I was when I left school.
Do you ever feel like you’ve moved up and made progress, or do you just settle and decide that’s your life?
At school teachers always had high hopes, so did my family - I did well at school but I haven’t taken anything away from it. At all. I made the decision not to go to university - and to this day, I still think I made the right decision, as much as i'd love to complete a degree one day. You were made to think through school and sixth form, that if you didn't attend university - well what was the point? Hours were spent around writing personal statements and discussing your future, with not many other alternatives than three years of hell.
I’m not stupid I know school is important but in all honestly it has not prepared me for anything in life. I didn’t leave school with a master plan of what I wanted to achieve but the older I’ve got, I’ve just realised I want a job with maybe more of a career than i'd first thought, my own home and family (especially doggies) and a life that doesn’t constantly feel like it’s being turned upside down.
I am not scared of commitment. I am scared of failure. I would love to make some big decisions, a leap of faith, study more, move up in my career, move out, start a big project - I know I would put everything into it, but what if I failed anyways. I seem to get so far and give up. Or something gets in the way, other than myself!
A large amount of people my age are living a very different life to mine; own homes, engaged, some even married and kids etc. I want all that, but I feel the older I get the further away I am getting from achieving any of it - not that achieving any of that gives your life any more purpose. In actual fact, the older I have gotten, the more I realise that some of that really isn't that important; ideally, I would just like to be happy and comfortable.
What is the meaning of life?
Really. Like, was I actually born to work 9-5, pay bills, pop a few kids out and then die?
Who is anyone to judge what you decide you want your life to mean, to you and those around you?
I have always respected peoples decisions to do what they want with their life, even though I have always had a old fashioned way of looking at my own life, I love to see people succeeding; whether it is people achieving small victories, raising children on their own or deciding they don't want children and spending time travelling instead. They know what they want with their lives and they are living it.
The reason we all lead different lives is to do with our morals and what we, in ourselves, deem to be the most important things to us. For some of us, family and friends, for others success and achievement. Your whole life is formed around what you believe to be right and forms your internalised purpose.
In all seriousness, if anyone has reached fulfilment and think they know exactly what the meaning and aim of their life is, I would greatly appreciate some guidance.
Yours sincerely,
A nearly 24 year old who has no idea what she is doing
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